hmmmmmmmm........?

It had never occurred to me that I had "spiritual parents" as opposed to biological ones. I kind of like it.

God used so many different people at different points in my life to teach me about his love, so I don't have one specific person to thank. However, one that stands out is my Nana.

Nana has always been faithful about teaching me about the gospel, even in times when I didn't want to hear it. So many times I told her that I didn't think God existed, that he couldn't exist and if he did that I hated him for what my life was like. I know that broke her heart, she cried. As an adult and a parent, I regret saying those things to the deepest part of my being. But I also know that it was necessary for me to be in that place, to feel those things and to have God prove me wrong again and again.

She continued to be faithful and talk about Jesus, pray for me, pray with me, send me books, pamphlets, take me to services and encourage me to donate my time to the homeless, battered and abused. Even the little things impacted me, like the fact that her answering machine says "God Bless" at the end and every time she would send me a card it would say "God Bless, xoxo" at the bottom. Those tiny little things seeped into my brain. She would always explain how God took care of her financially and how he always provided for her even when she didn't have two nickels to rub together. She showed it in the way that she forgave her brothers and sisters for mistreating her. There were times when I wanted to literally kill them for what they did to her, but she never showed anger or resentment, only sadness and forgiveness. Her actions taught me to never mistake kindness and forgiveness for weakness, because she is the strongest woman that I know.

Through her words, actions and intentions, Nana has been my spiritual parent all along. Who knew? She never forced me or pushed me, she guided me. That is what I want to be for Rowan. I also hope that I can honor her with my words and actions. I hope that I can be half as good to Rowan that she is to me. I hope that God gives me the strength and the courage to follow in her foot steps so that I can somehow bring glory to him in my very ordinary, every day life.