But then I got to wondering... maybe that kind of thinking is what is wrong with churches in general today? Most people can't broach subjects like oral sex, or pornography with our pastors or church family without feeling shamed or embarrassed. The fact is, that most teens are NOT chatting up their pastors on whether it is okay or not to try out third base with their girlfriend. They are going to their friends or the Internet for guidelines and information on what is allowed or what is "okay" to do sexually.
Unless we open the lines of communication and make sex a household/church wide topic, our kids will never feel comfortable asking us questions about it.
A very big part of the draw for kids and teens is that sex is so sensationalized, its so taboo and off limits. Its Bad, and dangerous, and your parents don't want you to know about it. When things are said, parents and adults use hushed tones and reply with "Oh, nothing dear!" when you ask them what they are talking about. That's what makes sex pretty sexy. It gives it an edge, drama, sophistication, mystery. If you take all of that away, it can become a dinner conversation in which you can be open with your kids and friends about the realities, myth and rumors about S.E.X.
You can tell them why God wants them to stay pure, that their purity is a gift for their future husband/wife. You can talk to them about the pressures that they are feeling and the fact that their bodies are probably telling them the opposite of what their conscience is. You can share experiences of people that have waited verses people who didn't and how that turned out for them. Granted, you can only lead a horse to water.. but it is a start. If all churches and families had these kinds of open communication, do you think more teens would wait until marriage?
Monday, July 19, 2010
Sex in Church
I've already had some fun and interesting conversations since Saturday Night's peek into the 7th Commandment, "You must not commit adultery."
Clearly, by Matt's post, Saturday Night inspired is inspiring some to speak more boldly about the subject.
A few of the conversations I've had since Saturday Night have really had me thinking a ton... I am wondering more and more the Church's ambiguity and confusion about marriage is compounding the sexuality issue for us?
Here's a (really) rough analogy: what if we told our kids they could only eat cookies out of a cookie jar, because that was the only way we could guarantee the cookies would be clean? This seems a reasonable edict as a parent. Don't eat cookies out of the garbage, off the floor, that have been sitting out, that are under your bed, in the couch cushions, or behind the toilet. But... what if our cookie jar breaks, is lost, or is no longer usable for a variety of reasons? According to our rules, our children now have no way to enjoy sweet, yummy cookies. So, what to do? Some will have the self-control not to eat cookies. Some really aren't that interested in cookies. But the rest, are fairly excited about the possibility of enjoying cookies in the future.
God has told us that the appropriate container for enjoying and participating in sex is marriage. Our problem is that the container has gone missing and what is standing in as the replacement is nothing like a cookie jar and is less appealing that cookies off the floor. The "marriage" that our world encourages and promotes looks nothing like the safe, clean cookie jar that promises cookies that won't kill us.
Like I said...rough analogy. Still haven't thought through it all the way...
Young people think marriage is for people who are "in love."
HOWEVER, the wedding liturgy of the Church has never asked a bride and groom "Do you love each other."
Why? Because it doesn't really matter. (that much)
The question that is asked is: "Will you commit your life to growing in love for as long as you live?"
This is a very different view of marriage than its popular versions. I think this might be a good starting place for talking about healthy sexuality within the healthy context of marriage.
Clearly, by Matt's post, Saturday Night inspired is inspiring some to speak more boldly about the subject.
A few of the conversations I've had since Saturday Night have really had me thinking a ton... I am wondering more and more the Church's ambiguity and confusion about marriage is compounding the sexuality issue for us?
Here's a (really) rough analogy: what if we told our kids they could only eat cookies out of a cookie jar, because that was the only way we could guarantee the cookies would be clean? This seems a reasonable edict as a parent. Don't eat cookies out of the garbage, off the floor, that have been sitting out, that are under your bed, in the couch cushions, or behind the toilet. But... what if our cookie jar breaks, is lost, or is no longer usable for a variety of reasons? According to our rules, our children now have no way to enjoy sweet, yummy cookies. So, what to do? Some will have the self-control not to eat cookies. Some really aren't that interested in cookies. But the rest, are fairly excited about the possibility of enjoying cookies in the future.
God has told us that the appropriate container for enjoying and participating in sex is marriage. Our problem is that the container has gone missing and what is standing in as the replacement is nothing like a cookie jar and is less appealing that cookies off the floor. The "marriage" that our world encourages and promotes looks nothing like the safe, clean cookie jar that promises cookies that won't kill us.
Like I said...rough analogy. Still haven't thought through it all the way...
Young people think marriage is for people who are "in love."
HOWEVER, the wedding liturgy of the Church has never asked a bride and groom "Do you love each other."
Why? Because it doesn't really matter. (that much)
The question that is asked is: "Will you commit your life to growing in love for as long as you live?"
This is a very different view of marriage than its popular versions. I think this might be a good starting place for talking about healthy sexuality within the healthy context of marriage.
ANALytically speaking...
As I was going over my notes for this week's blog, I was reminded that "anal sex" was discussed openly in the house of God (it brought a mischievous smirk to my face). Did anyone care that there were minors in God's house for the discussion? No (although a couple heads popped up and attention, if lost, was immediately back). Did anyone run to grab gasoline and matches to prepare to have a burning at the stake? No! The only other time I can remember anal sex being talked about openly (in a church or religious setting) was by Dr/Prof. Reed at Pr. Loma. Dr/Prof Reed spoke about a little differently about the act, but attentions were focused 100% on every word. As an intro (maybe a decoy to keep your attention) to touch back on Curtis' opening questions of how is the church doing with sexuality, sex, and marriage as witnesses to the world/or in comparison to the world (for those not in attendance the consensus was that the Church is not doing very well).
Sex is one of those things that we (the church, world, humanity) are confused about (Evidence in the fact that we had our biggest service in weeks when we talk about sex). In trying to think of something to blog about I feel like there is so much to say, but so much not to say(a taboo ingrained from the church). What is sex's proper role in the church? How should conversations be handled (in the open) to show that it is honored and respected? How do we find God's "baby words" in the Ten Commandments and transfer them to relevant in our present culture? How can the Church, God's supposed vessel, set a standard/example for society, when statistics show that the church is just as (I believe more due to the lack of discussion) confused as the world about sex? I really believe that the world forms the church, and that the church is failing to form the world (in regards to sexuality).
So where do we go from here? Should we have Taylor write a song about proper oral sex so that we can remove the ingrained negative connotations that come with discussing sex in church? Since we have Song of Songs I won't go that far… yet. The two books that have been shaping my ideas/thoughts this summer have been "Desiring the Kingdom" which discusses taking our faith from our thoughts and putting them into our practices and how those practices will shape/form us (holistically) more than any school (lecture style). The second book is "Almost Christian: What the faith of our teenagers says about the church.” In the book the argument is made that teens take on the beliefs and practices of their parents. These two books combined to form "Captain Plan" (I left off "et" because I think they provide a plan for the discussion questions at the end of service). The plan involves practices and actions that mirror our thoughts and beliefs regarding God and Commands/expectations. Actions that yield a result of actually loving our neighbor, not coveting, giving self sacrificing love, viewing everyone as God’s child…and the list can goes on. These particularly speak to the new definition of not committing adultery in our culture today.
What happens when the Church starts loving their neighbors as themselves? What happens when Christians don't covet? What happens when Christians act as Christ's slaves (losing rights, individual freedom, etc)? How could Christians enter into a sexual relationship when they put away their desires and seek to serve their brothers and sisters in Christ? A revolution? A recapturing of the faith? Of course, but then my worst enemy attacks me…myself. My mind says, "ya but…” and then enter the excuse. “This is too hard” “This is unrealistic" “No one can actually live this” Then I look at Jesus, the apostles, Paul, the stories of the early church…and I still say “ya but.” I seem to put them on a pedestal, making them out to be larger than life…but I think James says it best. James 5:17 “Elijah was a human being just like us…” Jane’s testimony that Curtis shared is evidence that we can impact the world through living his commands. I keep asking myself though…do I really want it?
Wow…I just realized that I am all over the place. I guess what I am trying to say is that God has really been working with me on taking what I hear in service or read in the Bible and putting it into action. In regards to “Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery” I liked the fact that we got a chance to discuss what that means for us today. What I was trying to say through the rest of it is that I can get really discouraged and feel alone when I try to do it all alone. The good news that I remind myself of is that we are all humans, can do all things through his strength and that we are not alone (we have Christ and each other).
In closing…Megan I appreciate your openness and frankness. It says a lot when you can fully stand up in church and not feel judged to openly discuss anal and oral sex…especially when there are jr higher in the room (thank goodness my daughter wasn’t in the room…she repeats everything) You are fully received in our community.
Sex is one of those things that we (the church, world, humanity) are confused about (Evidence in the fact that we had our biggest service in weeks when we talk about sex). In trying to think of something to blog about I feel like there is so much to say, but so much not to say(a taboo ingrained from the church). What is sex's proper role in the church? How should conversations be handled (in the open) to show that it is honored and respected? How do we find God's "baby words" in the Ten Commandments and transfer them to relevant in our present culture? How can the Church, God's supposed vessel, set a standard/example for society, when statistics show that the church is just as (I believe more due to the lack of discussion) confused as the world about sex? I really believe that the world forms the church, and that the church is failing to form the world (in regards to sexuality).
So where do we go from here? Should we have Taylor write a song about proper oral sex so that we can remove the ingrained negative connotations that come with discussing sex in church? Since we have Song of Songs I won't go that far… yet. The two books that have been shaping my ideas/thoughts this summer have been "Desiring the Kingdom" which discusses taking our faith from our thoughts and putting them into our practices and how those practices will shape/form us (holistically) more than any school (lecture style). The second book is "Almost Christian: What the faith of our teenagers says about the church.” In the book the argument is made that teens take on the beliefs and practices of their parents. These two books combined to form "Captain Plan" (I left off "et" because I think they provide a plan for the discussion questions at the end of service). The plan involves practices and actions that mirror our thoughts and beliefs regarding God and Commands/expectations. Actions that yield a result of actually loving our neighbor, not coveting, giving self sacrificing love, viewing everyone as God’s child…and the list can goes on. These particularly speak to the new definition of not committing adultery in our culture today.
What happens when the Church starts loving their neighbors as themselves? What happens when Christians don't covet? What happens when Christians act as Christ's slaves (losing rights, individual freedom, etc)? How could Christians enter into a sexual relationship when they put away their desires and seek to serve their brothers and sisters in Christ? A revolution? A recapturing of the faith? Of course, but then my worst enemy attacks me…myself. My mind says, "ya but…” and then enter the excuse. “This is too hard” “This is unrealistic" “No one can actually live this” Then I look at Jesus, the apostles, Paul, the stories of the early church…and I still say “ya but.” I seem to put them on a pedestal, making them out to be larger than life…but I think James says it best. James 5:17 “Elijah was a human being just like us…” Jane’s testimony that Curtis shared is evidence that we can impact the world through living his commands. I keep asking myself though…do I really want it?
Wow…I just realized that I am all over the place. I guess what I am trying to say is that God has really been working with me on taking what I hear in service or read in the Bible and putting it into action. In regards to “Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery” I liked the fact that we got a chance to discuss what that means for us today. What I was trying to say through the rest of it is that I can get really discouraged and feel alone when I try to do it all alone. The good news that I remind myself of is that we are all humans, can do all things through his strength and that we are not alone (we have Christ and each other).
In closing…Megan I appreciate your openness and frankness. It says a lot when you can fully stand up in church and not feel judged to openly discuss anal and oral sex…especially when there are jr higher in the room (thank goodness my daughter wasn’t in the room…she repeats everything) You are fully received in our community.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
An old lady walked into a church...
Just kidding.
Nana went to mass this morning and the priest told this joke:
A lady called the church asking to speak with the head priest. She was frantic. The secretary told her that the priest was on vacation. By the time she finally got a hold of the priest a week or so later, she told him: "I can't believe you are taking vacations! I needed you! You know, the devil never takes a vacation!."
To that, the priest replied, "Yeah, and if I didn't take a vacation, I'd be joining him!"
Hopefully you are all resting up on your Sabbath day!
Nana went to mass this morning and the priest told this joke:
A lady called the church asking to speak with the head priest. She was frantic. The secretary told her that the priest was on vacation. By the time she finally got a hold of the priest a week or so later, she told him: "I can't believe you are taking vacations! I needed you! You know, the devil never takes a vacation!."
To that, the priest replied, "Yeah, and if I didn't take a vacation, I'd be joining him!"
Hopefully you are all resting up on your Sabbath day!
Friday, July 16, 2010
Fight for your Right!
It the words of the Beastie Boys…we need to fight for our right to¬¬¬________(the song says party but in today's culture it could be anything so I’ll let you fill in the blank of what rights you want to fight for). I know it is almost a week later (from the sermon), but I am still wrestling with the thoughts about our rights as Christians. It didn’t take long to see how easy my rights/toes can be stepped on. I was literally driving home from service and Theresa and I got into a discussion about the service and all of a sudden I started to get mad…I wasn’t going to kill T or anything, but I started to see what Curtis was talking about in his message about how quick the domino affect can happen when I feel violated (rights, ego, entitlements, etc).
So what rights do I have? It seems that for some reason this has been a reoccurring conversation around me this week. I get an email called the daily bread and two of the little daily devotions were regarding our rights as we are now slaves to Christ…our new master. It is amazing how bad I want to fight the idea that I don’t have rights and that God is in control…I think I even try to negotiate the power he has in my life. If he was a worldly slave master I defiantly would have been beat this week (if God hands out good old fashion @$$ whooping). As the idea of Christ being my new master I started to wrestle with why am I so lame in turning my rights over to him? The conclusion I came to is…when the boss is away…the children will play. I find it amazing how when my boss doesn’t come into work or goes on vacation how much the tension drops at work. The schedules start to slip slightly…lunches become a little longer…people head home a little earlier…come in later the next day..And the list goes on. Christ left the earth a couple thousand years ago so you can imagine how bad/lackadaisical the church (our office) full of Christ’s slave (His employees) can become. (Especially if we are not constantly reading His business plan…aka the Bible)
My understanding is that I have adopted other practices not conducent to my work environment…therefore I am fighting when God has commanded to turn the other cheek…OUCH!
So what rights do I have? It seems that for some reason this has been a reoccurring conversation around me this week. I get an email called the daily bread and two of the little daily devotions were regarding our rights as we are now slaves to Christ…our new master. It is amazing how bad I want to fight the idea that I don’t have rights and that God is in control…I think I even try to negotiate the power he has in my life. If he was a worldly slave master I defiantly would have been beat this week (if God hands out good old fashion @$$ whooping). As the idea of Christ being my new master I started to wrestle with why am I so lame in turning my rights over to him? The conclusion I came to is…when the boss is away…the children will play. I find it amazing how when my boss doesn’t come into work or goes on vacation how much the tension drops at work. The schedules start to slip slightly…lunches become a little longer…people head home a little earlier…come in later the next day..And the list goes on. Christ left the earth a couple thousand years ago so you can imagine how bad/lackadaisical the church (our office) full of Christ’s slave (His employees) can become. (Especially if we are not constantly reading His business plan…aka the Bible)
My understanding is that I have adopted other practices not conducent to my work environment…therefore I am fighting when God has commanded to turn the other cheek…OUCH!
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